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 Dec/2000



A Real Flattop

By Stache

Last week I told the board about a proposition given to me by a barber. He said that he could give me a flattop a lot better than the one I was wearing at the time. Well, this morning I paid him a visit. There were around 5 guys ahead of me and none of them got flattops.

They mainly got fades. I stepped up to the chair and he clearly remembered me. I told him I wanted a 1 1/2 back and sides with the top flat and slightly rounded on the corners. He made a comment something to the terms that "I didn't have enough hair to cut a 1 1/2". He evidently wanted to go shorter because I had a 1 1/2 b&s two weeks ago and it clearly needed cutting.

The chair was facing the mirror the entire time. This is something I'm not use to. As he cut my hair he went on and on about the proper way a flattop should be cut. He said I had been wearing more of a flat crewcut. He got ready to cut the top and asked me if I minded a bit of skin showing on top. I said no you always see skin through the top of a flattop.

He started in the front and freehanded side to side. He was of course bragging on his free handing abilities the whole time. After the first passes of side to side he took the bare clippers and made a pass down the center from front to back.

The clippers were laved DIRECTLY AGAINST THE SKIN. My eyes practically popped out of my head. I think he had a 000 blade on them. He proceeded to produce a very wide landing strip and went over the top (free handing the entire time) for around 8 - 10 minutes going shorter with each pass. He blended in the sides with the top and pronounced me finished. When I got up I asked to see a hand mirror so I could see the back and it looked real sharp. He took it up higher on the crown than I’m use to.

Then I inspected the top up close to the mirror and noticed that it had quite a dip on one side he agreed that he saw it too and ushered me back into the chair. WHY DID I SAY ANYTHING! He took the clippers out and ran them down the center again with so much pressure that it felt like he was scraping off the skin. He went over the top again for about 2 more minutes and I said it looked fine.

I paid the man and headed home to inspect the damage. Well fellows, my landing strip feels like 100 grit sandpaper! The front hair is about 5/8" long and quickly goes to nothing. I have about an inch and a half wide path of hair in front before the baldness starts.

Even as close as he cut it, it was still hilly and wavy looking so I got out my clippers and started working on making the top as flat as possible. It took some doing but I think I have it flat now. It felt funny running my clippers over the bald top. We are talking SKINNED! The back and sides look the same as they usually do (except for going higher up the crown area). But when I bend my head down, the glare is unbelievable! I don't quite know yet if I like it or not.

It would probably look better if I went ahead and got the back and sides cut into a high and tight. I seriously contemplated just running the clippers over the whole mess while I was trying to even it out just to see how I would look bald. I didn't have the guts to do it. To sum things up, the guy wasn't as good as he thought he was.

The overall cut was not perfectly flat on top, the front had a lot of stragglers, and the square parts on each side were uneven (one side considerable longer than the other). I may give him another chance one day but for now I’m probably going to return to my good flattop barber and face the music in two weeks.

By the way, I didn't really care for the way he cut down my current barber while he cut my hair. He asked where I usually went and I told him. According to him, my current barber doesn't do half the flattops he does and he doesn't do as good a job. I hated to tell him that "if my current barber is so bad, than why does the entire police force go there for cuts"? With 5 customers ahead of me at my usual barber, I generally see at least 3 flats, with this guy I saw none.

The End