Relegation leads to Baldness

I was in the local pub with a few mates having a few beers discussing whether it would be West ham or Bolton that would be relegated from the premier division to division one of the football league when one of my mates who was a loyal West Ham supporter arrived.

"What are you going to do if West Ham get relegated then Sam?" We asked.

"West ham will survive and it will be Bolton that get relegated." Sam replied.

After a few more beers and a few shots of vodka Sam was getting more and more drunk and was declaring very loudly that West Ham would survive and win the premier league in 2003/2004.

"Are you going to put your money where your mouth is then Sam?" We asked.

"If West Ham are relegated I will have my head shaved tomorrow." Sam told us.

The rest of us could not believe what we heard. Sam had not had a haircut in over six months. The last time was when his brother got married and he was to be best man and had to get his ponytail cut off. Even then the hair was on the collar and he loved to brush it and take the Mickey out of me and a couple of others who were going bald so we shaved our heads. We quickly got the landlady of the pub to get a piece of paper. The landlady gave us a piece of paper and we got Sam to write down what he told us. After Sam had signed the piece of paper saying that he would get his head shaved we got the landlady and another person behind the bar to sign the paper saying that Sam would get his head shaved.

When the bar shut we waited for Sam to go and made the arrangements for the removal of his hair if West Ham lost the next day. I said I would bring the clippers and the rest got the razors and the shaving gel but we would not say a word to Sam until the match finished.

The next morning I rang Sam to find out what time he would be in the pub for the match. Sam told me he would arrive after lunch at around 2.30 for the 3.00 kick off. I rang round the rest and arranged for us to be there for 2.00.

My mates and me arrived at the pub at 2.00 and hid the clippers and shaving equipment up in the landladies flat before telling others what was going on and to keep quiet about what was to happen if West Ham were relegated.

Just after 2.15 Sam arrived and took his place at the bar ready for the football.

"Good night last night then Sam?" We asked.

"Yeah, had a rotten headache this morning." Sam replied.

"Remember the round of drinks that you said you would buy if West ham get relegated?" we inquired.

"Didn't do any bets." Sam replied.

We had a couple more beers before the football started at 3pm.

"You could do with a haircut Sam." My mate Steve said.

"Will do when I'm ready." Sam replied running his fingers through his hair.

The football started and after about ten minutes Bolton the team that could also be relegated scored. "Shit!" Sam shouted.

"Going down, going down, going down." We all started to sing.

Before half time Bolton were winning 2-0 and Sam was getting worried.

"Know the way to Ipswich?" I asked Sam.

"Still got 45 minutes to play." Sam replied.

The second half started and after a while West ham took the lead at Birmingham.

"Yes! We can Do it, come on Boro." Sam shouted.

Sam got really excited when Boro scored at Bolton. But then Birmingham scored so West Ham were drawing 1-1. Soon after West Ham were losing 2-1 and Bolton were also still winning. Sam got really excited when West Ham levelled to make it 2-2 but knew Bolton were still winning. When the referee showed the time added on the landlady slipped out and locked the door so Sam could not escape. When the final whistle went and West ham were relegated we got the clippers and shaving gear from the flat and put a chair out with an old towel on the back.

"Who's getting a haircut?" Sam asked.

"You are." We replied.

"No way!" Sam shouted.

The landlady then handed Sam an envelope and told him to open it. Sam opened it and read the note. Sam was going very pale as he put the envelope on the table.

"Would you like to sit in the chair?" I asked.

Sam made his way very slowly over to the chair knowing there was no way he could escape.

"How would sir like his haircut?" I asked smiling.

"Just a trim." Sam replied.

I took the band from Sam's hair and handed it to him.

"Just a trim then is it Sam?" I asked as I picked up the clippers.

Before Sam could answer I switched the clippers on and ran them down the hair from the forehead right down to the back of the neck. Sam was nearly in tears as I placed the long hair in his lap. I quickly finished the shearing and then handed over to a couple of mates to do the shaving. After a further ten minutes Sam had a shining dome.

"There we are Sam." My mates said " a trim as requested."

Sam got up and walked into the toilet to have a look at his new look.

"I'll get you lot back for this!" Sam shouted at us.

With that Sam stormed out of the pub and went home. A little while later Sam's wife called me on the mobile and thanked us for what we done.

"Perhaps he will stop getting so drunk on Saturdays." She said.

The next day I got a call at work from Sam offering to buy me a drink after work. I agreed and arranged to meet him at five. When Sam arrived I noticed that he had shaved his head again.

"Sorry about yesterday." I said.

"Forget it," Sam replied, "When I got up this morning I looked in the mirror and liked the new look."

"Going to keep it then?" I asked.

"For the summer." Sam replied.